Bald is Pure

      It is my firm conviction and heartfelt belief that the dome of a man's head should always remain clean and devoid of all hairs. I plead with you to remember dear brothers, that bald was the pride of our forefathers and that bald is indeed pure.

        Whether defect on the part of our own character, or as a ploy born in the foul hearts of our great nation's enemies, I cannot say for sure - but I do know that the growth of our shameful locks is destroying us. Now, I do not suggest that a woman (foul beast that woman is) should ever be so bold as to clear her scalp of hair. Womankind is by nature a horrible and irrational phenomenon, and as such she should be clothed with fur as the beasts.

             Yes, man is above the beasts and man should be bald and pure. Now, some may protest "but my head gets cold and the sun does so horribly fry my scalp!" Oh, you poor wretched idiot, wearing a head covering (such as a baseball cap or a cowboy's oversized hat) is by all means permissible. I myself don a fedora on occasion and wouldn't stop another from doing the same as often as he wished. Yes, your anxiety over the welfare of your scalp once exposed in glorious baldness is unnecessary.

           So you see, there is no excuse for the growth of hair atop a man's head. I can only hope that in due time all will come to realize the wretchedness of hair and the utter beauty of the fact that bald is pure.


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